Friday, October 5, 2012


I've written that I couldn't be an addict if I tried, the rewards center in my brain doesn't work enough for any drug to work. All I get is a sense of being fuzzy and sleepy and the painkillers, eg. oxycodone, barely work, only dulling the pain than stopping it.

I'm not sure if that's good since I rarely use that class of drugs. The only recent episode was with the pinched Siatic nerve which left me on the fllor flat on my back for 4 days. I couldn't stand or walk for more than a few minutes and couldn't sit.

Anyway, I also couldn't be a cutter. I can't hurt myself, especially cut. Not because I haven't wanted to try, but I'm one of those people who suffers from vasovagal response (15% of the population), meaning the sight of blood triggers a nerve which results in dizziness and other mild symptom to fainting.

Really, especially my own blood. If I injure myself and starting bleeding, I know I have about 2 minutes to get treat the injury, even a slight to moderate cut, before I get lightheaded. I know by 2 minutes I have to sit down for a few minutes to compose myself and continue with life.

And knowing this, I don't cut because something tells me the result before it happens, and I start to react just with the thought and mental picture of cutting. If I cut myself I know I'll faint. This condition is so bad sometimes, I can't look at real scenes with blood, other people's blood or even pictures of scenes with blood.

Sometimes limitations are saving graces, free with one's genes. Not so good, though, when you need them.

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