Food

I've written a lot about my diet, eating issues and food, probably too much and more than anyone really cares to read. To most it's boring, but to me it's simple, it's an out from all the frustration I have. It's called journaling, and here's is public.

So, what's new? Not much, but I thought I would describe the foods I can eat, experiment with and simply can't eat, so far anyone, but then it's somewhat incomplete and inaccurate because many foods on the can't eat I stopped eating months, if not years, ago, so I don't know anymore if I still can't eat them, but I'm not interested in testing it.

Ok, onward with the description.

To begin with the recommendation from the Gastroenterologist was to add reducing the intake, or more so avoiding, FODMAP's, the newly discovered class of foods which contributes to food problems for people with IBS.

This is on top my existing restrictions, which are the following.

For one, dairy products. It's restricted to lactose-free, non-fat milk, some hard cheeses, namely Gouda, Edam, Cheddar, and similar ones because I love the taste. This means no soft cheese, cream cheese, cottage cheese, etc. So, it's just one type of milk and a few cheeses.

Alternatives are soy, almond, and other based milk-like products which I've tried because I still haven't acquired a taste yet.

For another, gluten free grains and really less grains and carbohydrates. I'm not gluten intolerant, but it's more about the grains than the glutens which restricts myself with a lot of grain-based foods. To date I can tolerate one type of local bakery bread and Ritz crackers.

This means no bakery product too, like cookies, cake/cupcakes, pies, rolls, buns, etc. This means no cereal except a very few (see below for stuff found in cereals or other grains).

For another, no beef, no lamb and occasional poultry. Limited fish and seafood, my favorite foods which includes salmon, tunafish and shrimp. A few types of pork, namely sandwich ham and one type of locally produced bacon.

For another, no eggs except cooked or baked into products. For now anyway. I love egg dishes for breakfast and that's out for awhile.

For another, vegetables are simple, carrots and tomatoes, and occasional potatoes or potato chips.

For another fruits are equally simple, bananas, raspberries, blueberries, oranges.

For another, really simple, no nuts, no seeds, no whole grains, none but a few green vegetables and no leafy vegetables.

For another, no carbonated drinks (hate them anyway), no fruit juices (artificial sugar or flavors),

For another, only one spice, salt. Nothing else or with caution. No artificial sweetener ending in "ol" in the name.

Food I haven't tried and are untested in some time, rice, oats (oatmeal), quinoa and tapioca.

Food I miss a lot are pizza, roast chicken, turkey, stuffing, most soups, many fresh fruits, many fresh vegetables, any egg dish, cupcakes, cookies, pies, rice dishes (eg. Rice-A-Roni), and on and on.

You get the picture. Yeah, sucks but it's better than some people I've known. And it's still food and a diet I like eating what I can, so it's not that I hate eating, I love eating and am always hungry. I just don't get a variety of choices.

The Difference

The only difference between bulimia and obseity is that once eaten the food takes different path to leave the body. This means while the obvious difference between the two is what happens after they eat, it's the eating itself, namely the why, which isn't different. They are the same, only the people experience them are different.

Let's not focus on the symptoms and the condition, but on the people. That's where the answers lie, not in the act, but the heart and mind. The act is the same cry, the same thoughts, emotions and feelings, but it's for different reasons. That's where we should help.

I'm not either, but I've had feelings of both, I just didn't express it to be obvious.

I was always chided as a child for being small, but also not athletic and fit, in others words secret for "you're fat", or at least how I saw myself from all their words. I have some solid German stock in my genes, being half German and half English, and have always had some fat on my body.

And no matter how hard I tried through running, hiking, biking and weight training I never lost the fat and never felt good about myself. And being compared to others by my parents and then seeing it school only excerbated it. This has only magnified with age and of late with the digestive condition and now the Siatic nerve problems.

I know I can't begin to fully understand someone with an eating issues to be bulimic or obese, somehow I always stop short of binging and then throwing up or eating where I can't stop or want to stop. I've always had senses to stop short of either.

But it doesn't change the thoughts, feeling and emotions. They're the same, just the extent, intensity and severity changes, and I know not much separates me from them. It never goes away as my feeling of being hungry and afraid to eat for what it would do and I would do.

It's why we're all the same, food and our body are the enemy, something to hate. It only depends how we express it and how it expresses itself on us.

This Says it All

This (click here or on images above) says it all about me. Scary thought looking back these 63 years now, but it's who I am. I took the Briggs-Meyers test in the early 1980's. It explained a lot then and still does, just in more detail.

Living a Lie

The lie is alive but not doing so well of late. The truth is also alive and getting better. When the truth becomes greater than the lie, the life becomes the truth and not the lie. We're all on some journey between the two, it just depends which direction we're going and where we are between them.

For me, who knows. I certainly don't at this point. Lies live because of fear. Not fear of the truth, but fear of the reality. We see the reality, we just don't want to live it, so a lie is the comfort, seemingly safe but deceptively painful.

In the end, it's not about overcoming the fear, but finding balance to live with it and live through any pain from living the truth in the face of reality. It is always harder and more painful as well as more rewarding and fulfilling.

That's the balance, knowing the lie and not letting it mean anything anymore, and facing the truth and seeing the reality, and living your life from there.

Seasons

I'm a fall and spring person. I love the fall and the first rainstorms. To hear the rain, from gently falling on the roof to pounding it so loud you can't sleep and feel it's coming through the roof any second. I love the fall for the change of the weather, especially from the heat of summer into the cool fall evenings and the chill in the morning.

But as everyone here in the Pacific Northwest, while we love the newness of fall and rain into the winter, we tire of the persistence of it for the next 6 months, and not just welcome the nice days but cherish the days of sunshine and warmth.

When I lived in Bellingham, north of Seattle near the Canadian border to Vancouver, British Columbia, there was a period longer than a month we didn't see the sun. Not once as the eye of every storm came over the city with just overcast and occasional rain and snow. But no sun.

I loved Bellingham for the summers and hated it for the winters. Here I love the fall through the winter and into the spring. I tolerate most the winter and love the few days we get snow which stays for a few days. I have difficulty with the long periods of storms, one after another, bring clouds and rain for days, into weeks.

Part of this is because I used to work in it. I spent weeks on field trips in the Olympics where all I got was rain. I never felt dry even with the best rainsuit, which I always had. My hands never dried out. My rainsuit and boots were always wet on the outside.

We used rite-in-the-rain notebooks and papers so our field notes were never a problem, but all the equipment and all the stuff got rained on and wet. I didn't miss it when I moved to an office job and now still don't miss it in retirement because I can choose when I go out in the rain and when I come back in.

And now, late September, it's nice to feel the cool evening, to sleep with the weight of blankets over you, and to wake up to the chill of the morning. For now, I know what's coming, but I'll take what is. That's enough to end the summer.